To love and be loved
Love is being seen and being heard.
Deep in the heart of every human is the desire to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. They desire a witness to their life - a witness to say they matter.
Regardless of personality types, the greatest need of the human heart is to be loved. The greatest fear is to be rejected.
For too long these deep desires were suppressed, dismissed as weaknesses, or ignored because surviving life was too difficult. Those deep desires required vulnerability. Life had taught that to be vulnerable meant to not be safe. But the longing for love did not go away. It did not fade. The need was there. It struggled to be expressed.
For many, the problem is how love is received by different temperaments. Gary Chapman made “The Five Love Languages” part of the culture’s vocabulary. Understanding how you receive love and how you give love as your primary language created relationship breakthroughs for many couples.
But at the core of that definition: do you see me? Do you hear me? Is my existence important enough to you that you stop to observe my life?
Children, in their innocence, look for their parent’s eyes, calling, “Watch me!”
Partners in a marriage make bids that offer, “Do you want to know me?” Dr. John Gottman showed in his research that couples who were successful in marriage were much better at one thing: Turning Towards Instead of Away. Turning toward what? A bid for connection is any attempt by one partner to seek attention, affirmation, affection, or another form of positive connection from the other. These bids can be as subtle as a smile or a wink, or as direct as asking for advice or help. Although women generally make more bids than men, partners in the healthiest relationships both feel comfortable reaching out for connection in many ways.
Love cares. Love shares. Love says, “I see you. You are important to me. What you think and what you say matters to me.”
Biblical Psychotherapy:
Even Jesus said, and I paraphrase, “If you love me…. You will show me.” (John 14:15) Love is active.
When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus replied with the summation of the law and prophets, “Love God, love others, like you love yourself.” (Mat.22:37-39, Mark 12:28-34) Love is at the center of everything God is, God does, and God wants for us. (I John 4:8, 16) We do for others what we would like to experience ourselves. (Matt. 7:12)
Paul wrote to the Thessalonians, “So we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” (I Thess. 2:8)
In 1 Corinthians 13, “agape” describes a love that intentionally seeks another person’s well-being.
But we see the attentive kind of love, the love with affection that can’t be denied in Song of Songs 2:14. “….show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” God described being seen and heard in the love song of the Bible!!
Love and Truth: It is human to need love. It is Christ-like to give and receive love.
